Running Out of Time

I am continuing to read Stoicism and have collected a number of books to work toward reaching some level of peace with my life. Of course the larger problem is likely that I already have too much peace and need to start beating my self up for not doing more to improve my lot. Yes, I am content with a great part of my life, but there is something missing in the area of accomplishing something of which I can be proud. I did create a few paintings, but beyond that there isn't much. My work life certainly doesn't deliver that feeling of pride that I have put everything I have into it. I simply haven't put my all into anything for so long that it's definitely become a problem. How do I get my mind right so I can direct my mind and energy towards something meaningful? Is it that I am lazy? There is definitely some of that. Is it because I fear success? That would be silly. Fear success? Whoever came up with that? No, there is something in my mind that isn't working right, and I need to fix it, but I am running out of time.